"Parent"dox: When You're Hungry, They're Hungry

Sunday Night "Parent"dox #25:  When You're  Hungry, They're Hungry

This "parent"dox involves traveling back in time for me a few years, but I remember it all so very clearly.

I distinctly remember meal times at our house when both of my children were newborns.  I think the biggest learning curve was with my son, as he was our firstborn, but this "parent"dox rang true with our daughter as well.

Without fail, my sweet, precious, angelic baby would be sleeping away.  They were so adorable, I could lay there and watch them sleep.  Sweet little nose, sweet little fluttering eyelids, sweet little chest rising up and down ever so slightly.  Oh, this is love, without a doubt.

Whether we were preparing a meal at home (read as: heating up something in the microwave or pouring a bowl of cereal.  Come on...these were NEWBORN days, remember?!) or actually eating out as a restaurant, as soon as a plate of food was set in front of me, my baby, without fail, would start stirring.  I would plead Please, please, PLEASE stay asleep!! even thought I knew it was a lost cause.  There was absolute, 100% certainty that baby would be awake by the time I shoveled my 3rd bite of food into my mouth.  By the 5th bite, they would be in an all-out screaming bout, ready to eat.

That sweet, angelic, precious baby was now standing between me and my food.  

Not a good place to be, mind you, not a good place to be.

Words like "sweet," "precious," and "angelic" were no longer coming to mind.

It was like they had super sonic smelling and hearing, and when they so much as smelled a hot meal and heard it hit the table in front of me, it triggered them to wake up.  It didn't matter if they had been asleep for 5 minutes or 2 hours, they were definitely going to wake up at that moment.

I'm pretty sure their baby line of thinking in that moment went something like this:

What?  What's that?  Mom is hungry and ready to eat?  I don't want to miss out on this action.  Surely, surely, that must mean I need to eat now, too.

RIGHT NOW.

Not after the meal is over.  Not in 5 minutes.

NOW.

People say that when you nurse, it also helps you to lose weight.  I'm pretty sure this is only because you never actually have a chance to eat real, hot food.  By the time you're done feeding your tyrannical baby, your once lovely, delicious meal is now cold and doesn't taste nearly as good as you had hoped.  You choke down a few bites, and that's all you can muster.

That, my friends, is really where the weight loss comes in to play.

Although I will say the first time in my life I ever ate cold pizza was after my son was born.  I had never, ever been a fan of cold pizza, even in high school or college.  I just couldn't bring myself to eat it.  But enter New Mom mode, and I was just happy to have food around.  Period.  I didn't even bother sticking it in the microwave...just bit the bullet (or cold pizza, in this case) and went for it.

And knowing how very, very healthy cold pizza is, maybe there is actually something to that whole "nursing helps you lose weight" thing...

Hang in there, Moms of Newborns and Infants!!  There will come a day when you will eat foods -- hot if they're supposed to be hot and cold if they're supposed to be cold -- once again.  

When somehow, miraculously, everyone in your family actually gets fed, You Are a Good Mom.

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It Was Only a Matter of Time

In all honesty, I knew this day was coming.  

I simply didn't realize it would happen so soon.

Or so loudly.

Or so publicly.

My children have said a lot of crazy things in their short little lives.  Some funny, some sweet, some embarrassing, some downright hilarious.  Up until this point, they have been said, for the most part, in the presence of family or friends.

Not any more.  My son is now in school for 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. 

That gives him 35 hours to let one of his gems slip out of his sweet little mouth.  And slip out it did...

The 'B' Word

Last week, his class was working on the letter 'b' at school.  They were brainstorming words that start with the letter 'b' in class.  He eagerly raised his hand, and waited for the teacher to call on him.  As she pointed his way, a smile crept across his face.  Very loud and very proud, he said for all the class and his teacher to hear...

[enter your thought here on what it might be]

"BEER!"

Yes, beer does indeed start with the letter 'b.'  I can see he's got that initial sound thing down.  That is good.

Yes, I know there is another 'b' word that could have been much worse that could have popped out of his little mouth.  (That is actually what I was fearing when this story was relayed to me the first time, although I'm fairly certain he's never even heard that word before...)  That is also good. 

But seriously?  BEER?

That's the first word that pops into my kid's mind?  That's his 'b' word?  

Let me take 5.3 seconds to think of, oh, I don't know, a MILLION other kindergarten appropriate words he could have said.

Bat.
Ball.
Book.
Blue.
Bear.
Bike.
Bed.
Banana.
Beach.
Boat.
Bus.
Birthday.
Binoculars.

Oh no, not my son.  My son comes up with beer.  Proud day for this Momma, let me tell you what.

Then there was the picture he drew at home on Sunday for his Grandma.

"What does that say?" you're wondering.  Apparently, this drawing really needed a picture of a beer fridge.  Yes, a BEER FRIDGE.   No, she doesn't have one.  No, we don't even have one!  

From these two lovely little tales, you'd think we're raging alcoholics in this house.  I assure you, this is not the case.  Far from it.  I'm just hoping we can convince his teacher of this.

Our Saving Grace

The one thing that might get us out of this whole mess is a comment he made at home about 3 weeks ago.  

I had my copy of Parents magazine sitting on the end of my bed.  My son walked by it, then did a double take and walked back and looked at it again.

"Mom, is that Mrs. K?"

Oh, sweet child of mine.  Why don't you say things like this at school and leave all the beer talk for home?

No, that is not your kindergarten teacher.  It is supermodel Heidi Klum.  

(I will say, there is definitely a resemblance, though.)

I did email this little tidbit of cuteness to his teacher before the whole beer fiasco took place, so I'm hoping those two things somehow cancel one another out as she's debating if she should be calling the authorities on us.

Would it be inappropriate to get his teacher beer as a Christmas gift and address the card to Heidi?  Hmm...

Even when they embarrass you and they're not even in your presence, fear not, You Are a Good Mom.

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TSW?T: Poison and Lose Winners

They Said What? Tuesday:  Volume 21

My 3-year-old daughter...

"Mom, I need to take my telescope off."
...Apparently 'telescope' is a synonym for 'stethoscope' in toddler talk

M:  "Can I have something to drink, please?"
Me:  "Absolutely.  What would you like?"
M:  "Umm...Poison.  I want some poison, please."
...This sounds like it should be cause for concern, does it not?  Relax, my good friends, and do not be alarmed.  The funniest thing about this quote is that I knew exactly what she meant.  She, of course, wanted apple cider.

Still confused?

My son had been talking about apples, and specifically, the poison apple from Snow White shortly before this little conversation happened.  So in my daughter's mind, she was thinking of a poison apple and naturally, then, 'poison' would be another word for 'apple cider.'  I pray they don't have apple cider for a snack at school any time in the near future.  Or ever, for that matter.

"Mom, you are the lose winner."
...Oh, how I love it when they just make up words or phrases to fit what they're trying to express when they don't have those words or phrases yet.  Perhaps what I love most of all, though, is that she doesn't know the word 'loser' yet.  I'm OK with keeping it that way for as long as possible.

My 5-year-old son...

...Oh, it's a doozie this week.  So much so that he's getting his own post all to himself on Thursday.  Stay tuned... 

No matter what they say, You Are a Good Mom.

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"Parent"dox: Because Someone Else Said So

Sunday Night "Parent"dox #24:  Because Someone Else Said So

Remember when you were a kid, and you'd ask your Mom or Dad "Why?" and they'd reply with "Because I said so!" and that was it.  The final, be-all, end-all, don't even think about asking another question or coming back with any other smart alec comment.

Period.

(Remember the first time you heard those words slip out of your own mouth as a parent?  Oh, I can't believe how many of my parents' phrases have slipped out of my own mouth when I least expected it.)

At our house, the statement that would be a better fit in response to that question would be "Because Someone Else said so!"

Let me explain this "parent"dox and what it looks like with our son.

My son is most definitely one of those kids that listens to authority.  His teacher, his doctor, his story time librarian.  If it comes from someone he sees as "authority," it is an indisputable truth and rule to be followed to the letter.

That is, of course, unless the authority is his dad or me.

That's not to say he doesn't listen to us...some of the time.  In general, he is our "rule follower" kid.  Most of the time he is a really good listener, but from time to time he ignores our requests for the mundane, everyday stuff, like getting his pajamas on or picking out a story for bedtime, and every once in a great while, he just flat out battles us on things like picking up his room.  

(Don't worry.  We are not off the hook.  Remember who this kid's little sister is?  We get plenty of battles to keep our skills sharp [read as: remind us parenting is 100% on-the-job training and we really have no idea what we're doing from one second to the next].)

(Apparently, there are going to be lots of sidebar comments in this post tonight.  My apologies.)

Case in Point:  Potty Training
You know how people say "Don't worry.  Kids don't go to kindergarten in diapers."  I was pretty sure my kid was going to be the exception to the rule on that one.  I felt like we were in potty training limbo forever.  

FOREVER.  

We had made attempts, pretty half-heartedly, when he was about 2 1/2-years-old a couple of different times, but didn't push it.  As we were wading through potty training no man's land, I'm pretty sure every single person I knew that had a 2 1/2- year-old, a 2-year-old, or even a 1 1/2-year-old (yes, 1 1/2-year-old...) found it necessary to share miraculous stories of how quickly their kid potty trained or how their kid pretty much potty trained themselves.  

Trained themselves?  Really?

Now, I know you're not supposed to compare your kid to other kids.  I get that.  But I was beyond ready to have my son be done with diapers, and all these jubilant celebrations were like salt in the wound.  

My son turned 3-years-old about one week after the school year ended.  As a teacher, I figured that once summer arrived and I was able to be home all day, everyday with him, we'd be able to focus on potty training and get this thing figured out.  Just me, my kid (well, and his 1-year-old sister who was keeping me plenty busy in the diaper department on her own) and a potty.  I was ready.

We tried everything.  

(All that stuff I was certain I would never do with my own kid before I actually became a parent and had my own real, live kids?  Ha.  Double ha.  Totally happened, and then some.)

We tried the "no pants" method.  We tried a sticker chart.  We tried picking out a special toy as an incentive.  We tried getting "big boy" underpants.  We tried M&Ms.  We tried "target practice" in the potty.  If someone suggested it, we tried it.  

Summer came.  Summer went.  

Nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.

Not a single step closer to being potty trained on that first day I was back to work in August than on my last day of work back in June.

Forget kindergarten.  At this point, I was fairly certain my son would be packing a case of diapers with him when he went off to college.

Enter my daughter's well-child 18-month check up in December.  I was in the doctor's office with my daughter, and got all the 1 1/2-year-old info I needed.  My doctor mentioned that she was on the early end of potty training, but if she seemed interested, feel free to follow her lead and go for it.  My response...

"Um, yeah, thanks.  That sounds great.  So about that whole potty training thing...what about my 3 1/2-year-old who is still not potty trained?"

God bless him, our pediatrician didn't act at all like it was a big deal that my now closer to 4 than 3-year-old son wasn't using the potty yet.  (Just reason #427 why we love our pediatrician.)  He just reassured me my son would train when he was ready, but that is was OK to "push it" a little more now as he was getting older.

I was afraid consequences were going to be "taking away his driver's license" at the rate we were going.

I got home from our appointment, and told my son that the doctor (who he adores) said it was time for him to use the potty.

And that was it.

He was potty trained.

It was like magic.

I am not kidding.  That was all it took.  

When people ask me questions about potty training or what we did, I just tell them we used the "Hearing That His Doctor Said He Should Be Using the Potty" Method.

Seriously kid?  Why didn't I just tell you six months ago that your doctor said you should be using the potty?

Exhibit B:  Coloring
My son has never, ever been a colorer.  (I think I may have just invented a new word.)  He just hasn't.  It's not for lack of trying.  Our house is stocked with crayons and colored markers and colored pencils and pens and pencils and coloring books and...well, you get the picture.  It's just never really been his thing, and that's totally fine.  On the off chance he would decide to color, it would be one single color, and usually a few marks here or there and nothing really more than that.

My personal favorite was always picking him up from his Sunday School class, and he'd hand me the usually blank coloring page that went with whatever story they did that week.  He'd look up at me and say "Mom, I'm just gonna do this one at home."  

And then we'd take it home and add it to the stack of other completely blank coloring pages that were collecting dust on the coffee table.  

But lo and behold...we start kindergarten and BAM!!  This starts coming home in his backpack.

And this.

I would be willing to bet real cash money his teacher said something about using different colors, coloring in the entire picture and staying in the lines.

Done, done and done.

I'm pretty sure this is how I'm going to begin the next doctor's appointment and parent-teacher conference:

"(Doctor/Teacher), would you be willing to record these voice prompts for me?  Simply read these words out loud while I record your voice.

Brush your teeth.
Put your shoes on.
Pick up your toys.
It's time to go to bed.

I would so greatly appreciate it."

Oh, getting those words on tape, spoken by those individuals would be gold, PURE GOLD, I tell you!

In our house, it's not "Because I said so!"  It's "Because Someone Else said so!"

    
Even if your kids listen to someone else the first time after you've said the same thing a million times, You Are a Good Mom.

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A Tooth Fairy Favor

Have you ever been blessed with "lifetime" friends?  I'm talking about people who are dear, dear friends, and you just "do life" with them.  You know they're going to be around, throughout your life, no matter what.  Distance, time, whatever; it doesn't matter, because they'll be there.

We are very, very fortunate to have many special "lifetime" friends in our lives.

(If you're reading this and wondering if I'm talking about you, I most definitely am.)

One of our "lifetime" friends is my husband's college roommate and his wife, and their two children.  Without even planning it, each of our children was born within 4 months of each of their children.  

We are quite literally "doing life" with them.  

When we get together, our kids love to play together.  They are at just about the same stages and interested in the same things.  Ever since our kids have been babies, we've been able to talk and share with each other about the same questions and concerns and wonderings and milestones our kids were approaching or struggling with, and that is true to this day.  Luckily for us, their oldest child is 4 months older than our oldest child, so these "lifetime" friends field a lot of things just enough ahead of us to warn us what's coming down the road.

This very thing happened just two days ago.

My friend posted that her daughter lost her first tooth.

My first thought:  How exciting!! Losing that first tooth is such a big deal and a rite of passage!  How fun!

My second thought:  Oh my goodness.  That means this is probably coming around the bend soon for my son.  

My third thought:  Holy.  Crap.  I am completely unprepared for this huge life experience for my own kid!  (Keep in mind, I am a natural born worrier...) 

Honestly, my son doesn't even have so much as a wiggle to any of his little teeth, so I know I've got some time, but losing teeth wasn't even on my Mom Radar yet.  (This is another benefit to "doing life" with lifetime friends...it's like a build in safety net.  I get reminded of and warned about all the millions of things I would otherwise forget.)

What got me thinking, though, was what is protocol going to be in our house when a tooth is lost?  (These are the parenting decisions you have to make that no one warns you about.)  I saw that adorable picture of their sweet, toothless daughter, and realized the Tooth Fairy would be making her inaugural visit that night at her house, and I realized I had absolutely no idea what that will look like here.

So I'm throwing it out to you guys...  What is Tooth Fairy protocol at your house?  (Or what do imagine it will look like?)  What does she (I'm guessing it's a she...maybe at your house it's a he?) bring?  If it's money, how much?  If it's not money, what is it?  Any special Tooth Fairy traditions?  Where does the lost tooth wait for the Tooth Fairy's arrival?  (under the pillow seems so very complicated...)

And perhaps most importantly for this Mom...  How does the Tooth Fairy NOT wake the loser of the tooth up?  How does the Tooth Fairy STAY AWAKE to remember to do so?  

Thanks in advance for your help.  Feel free to pass this post on to any other Moms you know who can weigh in on this subject, or might benefit from getting ideas from others, too.  Open to any and all suggestions!!

I'm fairly certain that now that I've posed these questions, my son won't lose a tooth until the 3rd grade.  Had I not asked, he would have come home from school with a missing tooth tonight.

When you can help out other Moms with their "firsts", You Are a Good Mom.

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TSW?T: The "Other" Ranch

They Said What? Tuesday:  Volume 20

My 3-year-old daughter...

"I'm not upset! I'm just crying!!"
...what she yelled at me while having a temper tantrum after I said "It looks like you're feeling upset."  Clearly, clearly, my child, you are most definitely not upset, and that statement you just screamed at me totally supported your case.  Or perhaps not.

My 5-year-old son...

P:  "Can I please have some ranch?"
(I had just poured some ranch on his plate for his carrots and cucumbers at lunch)
Me:  "You have a lot, buddy.  If you eat all that, I'll get you some more."
P:  "No, Mom, I want some ranch, please!"
Me:  (looking at him blankly and completely confused)  "You have ranch right there on your plate."
P:  "Mom, not this ranch.  The OTHER ranch!"
Me:  (thinking to myself that my son has lost his mind.)

(LONG PAUSE)

Me:  "Oh!  You mean Italian dressing?"
P:  (he can't believe it's taken me this long to catch up)  "Yeah, Mom, that ranch I like for my cucumbers!"
...our lunch discussion the other day.  Any condiment that comes out of a bottle is known as 'ranch' to this boy...with the exception of ketchup.  Ketchup has always been and will forever be, ketchup.

"My dog is hurt.  It's because his veins go to his head, and not his heart.  I need to check him out and help him get better."
...fear not, he is talking about a stuffed animal dog.  But yeah, kid, I would say veins to your head instead of your heart would pose a problem.  This is also probably a sign he has seen too many episodes of Doc McStuffins.

No matter what they say, You Are a Good Mom.

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"Parent"dox: When a Gum Commercial Makes You Cry

Sunday Night "Parent"dox #23:  When a Gum Commercial Makes You Cry

Nothing too earth shaking or ground breaking tonight.  Just this video clip of an Extra Gum commercial.

It does come with a warning, however.

It made me cry.

Yup.  You read that correctly.  A gum commercial.  Made me cry.

Gum is minty and bubbly and happy and in no way a tear-provoking product.  Yet I cried.

"Parent"dox.

So, with that said, enjoy this lovely little video "parent"dox tonight.  

(Spoiler alert...watch the video before you read the rest of the post below if you don't want to have any part of the video, well, spoiled...)

Maybe it's just me.  

Maybe I'm a little over emotional in general (insert husband silently nodding here...).  

Maybe it's because I just sent my own kids to kindergarten and preschool last week and it seems like they're growing up at the speed of light.  

Maybe it's because my own Dad was the one who sent me this video.

Whatever it was, I watched it and it made me happy and sad and all sorts of other crazy emotions all at the same time.  

And it made me cry.

Bottom line, though, it made me so very thankful to be a parent.  Thankful for all of it...for the little moments, the big moments, the fun moments, the hard moments, and everything in between. 

I'm thankful that I get to be there for it with my kids.  

It was a good reminder for me to focus on really being there in the day to day, even if it's with something as seemingly small as a gum wrapper.

[Just as a sidenote, the box falling over and opening at the end totally got me.  I maybe should have put an extra warning about the whole possibility of tears thing for Dads of daughters, and an extra EXTRA warning for anyone who sent their child off to college in the last few weeks.  Sorry about that.]

What were your thoughts on this gum commercial?  Do you have any other commercials that make you cry?  Do you get more emotional about commercials or movies or TV shows since you've become a parent?

    
Even if a gum commercial can make you cry, You Are a Good Mom.

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