"Parent"dox: When a Minivan is Cool

Sunday Night "Parent"dox #8: When a Minivan is Cool

A MiniVan is many things.

Practical.  Versatile.  Family-friendly.  Sensible.  Dependable.  

Cool, however, would not be one of those things.  Now don't get me wrong.  I am one of those Moms who really loves my Minivan.  Really.  I am just well aware of the fact that "cool" would not be on the list of adjectives used to describe it.  

Unless, of course, that list was being composed by my 4 1/2-year-old son. 

This lovely little "parent"dox all began a few weeks ago, when we drove across the state to see my aunt and uncle.  We had been in the car for a couple of hours, and were oh-so-close to their house, when traffic began to get thicker, we began to hit every red light possible, and our two littlest passengers began to get dangerously close to entering into a full blown nuclear melt down.  That combination, my friends, is a dangerous little cocktail.

While turning right at a red light, my husband may have incidentally produced one of the coolest noises known to man (or little boy) -- squealing tires -- on my completely uncool Minivan, all in the name of getting us to our destination and out of the car before anyone completely lost their mind.  

Upon hearing this cool, fast, testosterone-filled sound, my son perked up from the backseat.  

"What was that, Dad?"

I think the answer he was given may have been "It was just us in the Minivan" or "The tires on the Minivan when we started driving" or something along those lines.

What my son heard, though, was "Blah blah blah blah blah blah MINIVAN!!!! blah blah blah."

I'm fairly certain this is how he hears most of what I say anyway.  

Fast forward a few weeks.  The word 'Minivan' has taken on an entirely new meaning to my son.  It no longer refers to the vehicle in which he is riding.  It has been redefined to mean a strategic driving maneuver, exuding both coolness and speed.  I truly think he believes there is a button or something that can be pushed to enter into totally sweet, blazing speed "Minivan mode."  Note: Please request this feature on all cars you purchase from this day forth.  It will boggle the mind of car salespeople far and wide.

"The Minivan" has become one of his favorite requests, I might add.  These are phrases I now hear on a daily basis:

"Mom, can you do the Minivan?!"

"Are we doing the Minivan right now? Or are we just driving regular?"

"Put on the Minivan, Mom!  Let's go catch that other car!"

"Mom, we need to do the Minivan.  We are losing the race!"

[At this point, I should also mention he has watched "Cars" more times than any human being should.  He, therefore, believes every time we are in a vehicle, we are in a race.  And because there are always cars in front of us, we are always losing.  In his mind, his mom is a total disgrace to Lightning McQueen and all his name represents.]

My personal favorite was when he said this to me last week: 

"We're gonna be late, Mom.  You better turn on the Minivan!"...while I was driving my uncle's Ford Escape.  

No matter what you are driving, and whether you can do "The Minivan" or not, You Are a Good Mom.